How to Host Friendsgiving

1. Settle the date, with a vote if the group is big or scattered.
2. Decide the shape: a potluck where you do the turkey, or a dinner you cook while guests bring drinks and dessert.
3. Pick a headcount you can seat, or at least fit, and send the invite three to four weeks out.
4. Ask about allergies and diets on the invite, before there is a menu.
5. List the dishes you need and let people claim them, so the gaps show while there's still time.
6. Plan the oven. The turkey has it for hours, so ask for sides that arrive ready to serve or warm in a slow cooker.
7. Two or three days out, ask for whatever's still open by name.

A good invitation answers the questions before somebody asks them in the group chat.

• The date, the address, and the time you'll eat, which is not the same as when the door opens.
• What you're providing. "I've got the turkey and drinks" saves a lot of guessing.
• Where to say what they're bringing, so nobody arrives with the fourth bag of rolls.
• A question about dietary needs and allergies.
• Whether partners, roommates and kids are welcome, and when replies close.
• Parking, the dog, and whether to bring a chair.

The wording can be two lines: "Friendsgiving at Maya's, Saturday, Nov 21, eating at 5. I've got the turkey, so claim a dish on the invite and tell me about allergies when you reply."

On Joinue the invite holds all of it, on one link that opens in any browser: a design of your own, the dietary question, the date replies close, and the bring list.

Most Friendsgivings are a potluck with the host on the main. The turkey needs the oven for hours, and its timing is the least forgiving part of the meal.

• The host: the turkey, plus plates, forks, napkins and ice. Guests bring food, and nobody thinks to bring forks.
• The classics, one line each: stuffing, mashed potatoes, gravy, cranberry sauce, green beans, sweet potatoes, rolls.
• Dessert as a line several people can join. Too much pie has never ruined a Friendsgiving.
• Drinks for whoever doesn't cook, and a vegetarian main if anyone at the table needs one.

How to set up the sign-up sheet, and how much each dish should feed, is in our potluck guide. On Joinue, the Potluck format puts that list on the invite and tells you about each claim.

The usual rule of thumb is a pound to a pound and a half of whole turkey per person, which covers seconds and some leftovers.

Thanksgiving food hides things: butter in everything, nuts in the stuffing, gelatin in the dessert, bacon on the green beans. Ask ahead and the cooks can plan around it.

• Ask on the invite, before the menu is set, not at the door.
• Give anyone who doesn't eat meat a real main. A stuffed squash counts. A plate of sides is a consolation prize.
• Ask cooks to label what's in their dish, and keep one serving spoon per dish.
• Serve the allergy-safe dishes first, before the spoons wander.

On Joinue, the dietary question is one tap to add. Once you pick the date, guests answer it on the invite, link guests included, and only the hosts see the answers.

• Three to four weeks out: settle the date and the format, then send the invite.
• Two weeks out: watch the dishes get claimed and read the dietary answers. Order the turkey. Borrow chairs, a folding table or a roasting pan.
• The week of: chase anything still open, by name. Start thawing a frozen turkey, about a day per four to five pounds.
• The day before: make what keeps (pie, cranberry sauce), clear fridge space, chill the drinks and set the table.
• The day of: get the turkey in early and rest it about half an hour before carving. Then the oven belongs to the guests' dishes.

Leave an hour between "the turkey should be done" and "we eat." It will need it.

Under a dozen people, let everyone sit where they like. Past that, or with friend groups who haven't met, split up the couples and seat the quiet ones next to the talkers.

If you're seating people, start the event with Joinue's Dinner Party format instead of Potluck. Each guest gets a private card with their table, seat and meal when you release them, and the bring list stays on.

Plenty of tables go around saying what they're thankful for. Keep it quick and optional, and let the person who hates it say "the mashed potatoes."

• Have containers for the leftovers, or ask guests to bring their own.
• Get the photos in one place. Guests with an account can add photos, clips and a guestbook note to the event's gallery.
• If you split the groceries, add Expenses to the event. Anyone going logs what they paid and sees who owes whom.

Once nobody can move, a party game beats a third slice of pie. Joinue's games play in the phone's browser from a link or a short code, and nobody needs an account to join. Yearbook, where the table votes on who fits each superlative, is the Friendsgiving pick.